∞ Chapters From The Tesseract ∞

Smart Cocktails

Sweetie, If I Wanted To Kill Myself, I Would Climb Your Ego And Jump To Your I.Q.

I‘m Canadian — Buddy Cole, Kids in the Hall

More Scott Thompson
Montreal
Jail
Trial

Girl Drink Drunk — Kids in the Hall

Seasonal Reminder

How To Enjoy Pumpkin Beer

Bitch Pudding — Robot Chicken

More Robot Chicken

Delicious Gummy Bears

Cockface — The Ridiculist

I’m making up a new holiday screenplay.

It’s about shit parents who waited until the last minute to go buy presents for their daughter. And when NO STORES still had a Barbie Dream House (because that’s how retail works) the little girl resents them forever and grows up to be a stripper.

It’s going to be a modern-day classic.

She strips under the stage name “Miracle” and when stripping can’t cover the bills, turns to prostitution. The Broadway play is titled:

“Miracle Works the Corner on 34th Street”

Shovel Mouth — The Late Late Show

Cockface + Shovel MouthNancy Grace

Global Village IdiotSarah Palin

FuckwitRush Limbaugh

Gutter Trash Loves Censorship

Douchebaggery — Martin Shkreli

Martin Shkreli Increases Daraprim price 5500%
Turing Jacks AIDS Drug To $750 Per Pill

Shkreli, a former pharmaceutical executive, was convicted in August 2017 of two counts of fraud and one count of conspiracy for misleading investors in hedge funds he ran.

Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli Is Now Inmate #87850-053
at a Brooklyn Federal Jail… and every inmate’s Bottom Bitch for the next 20 years.

Not Z — Prejudice On Parade

Butt Buddies Arpaio and Trump

Racist Bigot Sheriff Joe Arpaio Is Now A Convicted Criminal
Butt Pardoned By Fascist White Trailer Trash #45

America Is Overflowing With Degenerates

Entitlement — Every Airline

Shovel Ready — Jack'd

Conan & Billy Eichner Join Grindr

Chemistry Matters

Carbon Wants Hydrogen

Go Glow Someone Else, Neon

The Most Accurate Tinder Metaphor

Tinder Metaphor

Annie Sloan & Deven Harrison

Welcome To My Neighborhood

Hungover Baby

I Blame The Lax Child Labor Laws

The Logical Song


Life Lesson

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful, a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical. And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily, joyfully, oh playfully watching me.

But then they sent me away to teach me how to be sensible, logical, oh responsible, practical. And then they showed me a world where I could be so dependable, clinical, oh intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world’s asleep, the questions run too deep for such a simple man. Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned? I know it sounds absurd, but please tell me who I am.

Now watch what you say or they’ll be calling you a radical, a liberal, oh fanatical, criminal. Won’t you sign up your name, we’d like to feel you’re acceptable, respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable!

But at night, when all the world’s asleep, the questions run too deep for such a simple man. Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned? I know it sounds absurd, but please tell me who I am.

The Duck Song

Computer Problems — Pearls Before Swine

The History Of SPAM

Fuck That — A Guided Meditation

Seasonal Reminder