Smart Cocktails
Sweetie, If I Wanted To Kill Myself, I Would Climb Your Ego And Jump To Your I.Q.
I‘m Canadian — Buddy Cole, Kids in the Hall
Girl Drink Drunk — Kids in the Hall
Seasonal Reminder
Bitch Pudding — Robot Chicken
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More Robot Chicken |
Cockface — The Ridiculist
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I’m making up a new holiday screenplay. It’s about shit parents who waited until the last minute to go buy presents for their daughter. And when NO STORES still had a Barbie Dream House (because that’s how retail works) the little girl resents them forever and grows up to be a stripper. It’s going to be a modern-day classic. She strips under the stage name “Miracle” and when stripping can’t cover the bills, turns to prostitution. The Broadway play is titled: “Miracle Works the Corner on 34th Street” |
Shovel Mouth — The Late Late Show
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Cockface + Shovel Mouth — Nancy Grace Global Village Idiot — Sarah Palin Gutter Trash Loves Censorship |
Douchebaggery — Martin Shkreli
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Martin Shkreli Increases Daraprim price 5500% Shkreli, a former pharmaceutical executive, was convicted in August 2017 of two counts of fraud and one count of conspiracy for misleading investors in hedge funds he ran. Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli Is Now Inmate #87850-053 |
Not Z — Prejudice On Parade
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Racist Bigot Sheriff Joe Arpaio Is Now A Convicted Criminal America Is Overflowing With Degenerates |
Entitlement — Every Airline
Shovel Ready — Jack'd
Chemistry Matters
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Go Glow Someone Else, Neon |
The Most Accurate Tinder Metaphor
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Annie Sloan & Deven Harrison
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Welcome To My Neighborhood |
Hungover Baby
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I Blame The Lax Child Labor Laws |
The Logical Song
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When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful, a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical. And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily, joyfully, oh playfully watching me. But then they sent me away to teach me how to be sensible, logical, oh responsible, practical. And then they showed me a world where I could be so dependable, clinical, oh intellectual, cynical. There are times when all the world’s asleep, the questions run too deep for such a simple man. Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned? I know it sounds absurd, but please tell me who I am. Now watch what you say or they’ll be calling you a radical, a liberal, oh fanatical, criminal. Won’t you sign up your name, we’d like to feel you’re acceptable, respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable! But at night, when all the world’s asleep, the questions run too deep for such a simple man. Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned? I know it sounds absurd, but please tell me who I am. |
The Duck Song
Computer Problems — Pearls Before Swine
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The History Of SPAM |
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Fuck That — A Guided Meditation
Seasonal Reminder
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